The idea of being yourself may come across as a cliché and something that is pretty simple but I think not. I imagine it as if there is a border you have to drill holes into to actually be yourself. I have also realized that the opacity of the border may differ around different people or circumstances.
The Border
This is a concept I think every one of us has, the way you may interact with a stranger would be very different from the way you interact with a close friend and that is very normal. You still can be yourself with the stranger and you can also be yourself with your close friend, it is just that your close friend gets to see more of you as opposed to a stranger. It is just as you feel more comfortable towards the stranger, you start breaking through the border and showing more of yourself. I have designed some terrible diagrams but hopefully they will aid with conveying the idea.
![\"\"](\"https://bintaryam.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/untitled-design-4-2-1.png?w=1024\")
This is a diagram that demonstrates the first encounter of meeting somebody, everyone has their guard up and the border has no holes. In this scenario, people may want to fake some things to convey a better-looking image for themselves in hopes of making that person like being around them. This will create a false perception from the stranger\’s perspective which will turn into disappointment once they find out about the real you. This is where you have to be yourself, I personally think you have to avoid trying to impress the other person just to make them like you.
![\"\"](\"https://bintaryam.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/untitled-design-5-1-1.png?w=1024\")
This diagram conveys how the wall may look like and how you may perceive the \”stranger\”. By being yourself, you are going to manage to break through the border and show the other person how you really are. The more holes there are in the border, the more you can be yourself around them. The only way you can manage to drill some holes into the wall is by having frequent interactions with them which may have enough force to break through the border. The holes could simply represent your likes, dislikes, boundaries, values and morals.
Not Everyone Has to Like you
You read that correctly, not everyone has to like you. It is a hidden blessing when someone does not like you since that means you do not have to waste your time around someone who may not value you. By being yourself and allowing that border to break, you surround yourself with people who value you and enjoy your company. You should also consider whom you want to break the borders with, you may not be able to tell beforehand but I am pretty sure you are going to tell how that person is like after a few holes(experiences). Being yourself would allow you to have people around you that are not going to judge you for how you think of things, do things a certain way and they will certainly respect your morals and values. Some people you may break borders with but then they might try to challenge your lines and your values, it is all dependent on your personality on whether you would want to allow that person to challenge your lines and values or not. The challenge may be a good or bad thing depending on the circumstance. An example I would say is that I have close friends whom may have different views than me, we may not agree on different things and that is fine as long as they do not cross your lines very well knowing that you may not support such thing. Firstly, why would you have holes with a person who may affect you? You would not at first, but people change. An example may be drugs. When you met that person, they may have had nothing to do with drugs, but overtime they may have lacked awareness and created holes between themselves and drug-users who managed to exploit them by challenging their values and succeeded. Then the person that have changed their ways might try and challenge yours, they might try and make you think that it is okay but you have to be firm with your decision and fill in the holes in the wall by reducing your interactions with them, keeping them away and perhaps… cutting them off. It is really important for you to understand that your values should not be challenged in such manner that affect you. As for things like politics, it may not really affect you as much as opposed to drugs so challenging such ideas may actually provide you with more knowledge rather than harming you if done in a proper and civil manner. By you being yourself, people will know how you are, they will either:
- Respect you and stay around you knowing your values.
- Challenge your values without affecting you.
- Challenge your values with affecting you (if you allow them).
- Go on their own way.
![\"\"](\"https://bintaryam.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6939714-ynuwjpcm-7-1.jpg?w=770\")
My Experiences
Personally for me, I like to be myself around people so they are able to understand how I am as a person, which then they can either respect how I am as a person or they can go on their own way. One should not be upset if they are not liked or if people go on their own way, it is not worth not being yourself and letting go of your likes, dislikes, values and morals just to please other people and have them like you or stay with you. I have discussed point 1 and 4. Now onto point 2, I enjoy having civil discussions with people who are not hard-headed on their opinions and would be willing to sit down and discuss specific things rather than just being stubborn. One thing you have to know, you cannot change the mind of a stubborn person. I tend to avoid having discussions with stubborn people. Moving over to point 3, I know I am very firm with my opinions and I do not fall into the idea of \”peer-pressure\”. Mixing point 2 and 3, there are some things I may be willing to change my mind about if I am convinced as long as it does not harm me, but I will not change my mind over something I value knowing that it will harm me, this is not being stubborn… it is looking out for yourself. Now this depends on you, you can either:
- Keep those people around you which may harm you one day.
- You could actively part ways with those people by being straightforward and cutting them off.
- You could passively part ways with those people, they will generally realise that you are firm and they will not be able to challenge your values so they are going to get exhausted and part ways with you.
Hello,
The points you’ve stated in this blog is quite pertinent to the real world, and to many people. To be frank, every individual is contrasting from each other in some way or the other. When meeting new people, I tend not to disclose everything about myself (which is normal), however I dont necessarily become a whole different person, just a little “cautious”.
“Not everyone has to like you”, this is a accurate statement that many may have difficulty accepting, reason is, in todays society, the more people you know and respect you, the higher your status. Additionally from a factual point of view, there are certain characteristics that tend to make people more likeable than others, examples include: kindness, honest, helpful and many more.
All in all, I concur with many of the opinions you’ve stated here, perhaps maybe because I see myself the same way as you’ve described here.
It is an amazing way to write about being yourself. The boundaries concept summarizes the idea very well, in my opinion changing your values and beliefs just to please others means building more blocks around you, the thicker the boundary become the harder an individual can express his self. We should always know the perfect timing when to drill holes so we don’t collapse in our own boundaries of people pleasing one day